Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Tukar



“TUGAS YANG PADAT DI SEKOLAH SEMASA, SEBAGAI SEKOLAH SUKAN DIGABUNG DENGAN PENDIDIKAN KHAS, MENYEBABKAN SAYA KERAP GAGAL MENJALANI RAWATAN SEBAGAI PESAKIT MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER. PENYAKIT YANG MENYEBABKAN SAYA MUDAH LETIH, EMOSI, LUPA DAN CUAI INI SEDIKIT SEBANYAK MENYUKARKAN SAYA DALAM MENUNAIKAN TUGAS SEPERTI GURU LAIN. SALAH SATU RAWATAN PSIKOLOGI YANG DOKTOR SARANKAN ADALAH SAYA BERADA DI SAMPING KELUARGA. MOGA DENGAN PERTUKARAN INI SAYA PULIH DAN DAPAT BERKHIDMAT DENGAN LEBIH CEMERLANG.”

Ini lah alasan aku minta pindah mengajar dekat dengan rumah. Terus terang, yang aku tak tahan bila duduk seberang laut ni ialah naik kapal terbang. Kalau naik kereta atau bas pun aku mudah rasa penat dan pening, jadi bayangkanlah perjalanan ulang alik dari Kuantan ke Kuching dengan 2 kapal terbang 1 hala. Selalunya lepas perjalanan, aku mesti melepek 2, 3 hari mengecaj semula tenaga. Seboleh-bolehnya aku elakkan balik rumah. Bukan tak rindukan keluarga… amat rindu sebenarnya! Abis tu nak buat camane, kalau balik rumah boleh lah rehat tidur 2, 3 hari. Komfem famili tak marah punya. Tapi kalau balik sekolah? Selalu kena sindir dengan pengetua kalau minta cuti sakit. Kenalah datang jugak sekolah walaupun kepala berpusing-pusing tak habis lagi kronik jetlag. 

Alasan aku tak mahu mengajar di sekolah ini pulak sebab aku tak dapat tumpu mengajar betul-betul. Sebagai sekolah sukan, banyak betul tugas yang tak ada kena-mengena dengan Pengajaran dan Pembelajaran! Tolak tepi lah tugas sebagai guru kelas, kokurikulum dan masalah disiplin Pendidikan Khas. Yang tu memang berkaitan lah dengan tugas aku. Tapi tugas melibatkan aktiviti perdana ni memanglah menguji kesabaran aku. Apa kaitannya, guru Pendidikan Khas dengan liga bola sepak KPM? Kenapa urusan biasiswa murid perdana diserah kepada guru Pendidikan Khas? Ok, mungkin lah sebab tak cukup guru perdana. Dah tu, guru Pendidikan Khas ni cukup sangat? Selalu kena pergi sana sini sampai murid Pendidikan Khas sendiri pun tak terjaga. Aku dah letih, banyak sangat ketidak adilan dalam pentadbiran. Yang jadi mangsa, AKU. Kalau buat, meninggalkan ‘core business’ sendiri iaitu Pendidikan Khas, macam mana aku nak jawab kat akhirat nanti?! Kalau tak buat, dilabel ‘tidak menurut perintah’. Daripada aku tersepit ketat, baik aku usaha untuk lepaskan diri.

Lagi satu, kesedaran Islam di Kuching masih jauh lagi perjalanannya. Pernah jumpa tak pengetua lelaki beragama Islam dengan selambanya menghulur tangan untuk bersalam dengan ustazah bertudung labuh?! Aku dah jumpa, dan aku lah ustazah yang malang tu. Itu lah tangan lelaki ajnabi yang pertama aku sentuh sejak 29 tahun aku hidup. Aku cuba minta izin tak bersalam, tapi dia tak menjawab, tak tarik-tarik tangan. Disebabkan aku ada atas pentas, ambil hadiah, ramai orang tengok, nak jaga maruah dia, aku salam jugak dengan muka mempelam muda. Alasan! Iman aku lemah sebenarnya, takut pengetua terasa dan marah, takut orang mengata sombong, kesimpulannya takut makhluk Allah. Sepatutnya, aku buat-buat tak nampak tangan dia tu, capai je hadiah sambil senyum. Pernah juga ada pengarah sebuah institusi datang pameran, dia hulur tangan jugak, pastu siap ada ‘cameraman’ ambil footage dia. Aku salam jugak hujung jari huhu. Sesungguhnya aku menyesal, rasa berdosa sangat huhu T_T  Sepatutnya aku tunjukkan pendirian aku. Sekarang aku selalu bawa sarung tangan kalau ada penyampaian hadiah dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Aku kena tegas menolak yang haram ni. Moga perpindahan aku diluluskan dan aku sentiasa dipelihara oleh Allah. Amin.

Friday, July 26, 2013

Puji-pujian



Sebagai manusia biasa yang sarat dengan pelbagai kelemahan, aku tewas lagi! Aku akui bahawa walaupun aku seorang perempuan, egoku tinggi menggunung. Setelah 4 tahun bertungkus-lumus mengatur majlis terawih dengan seorang lagi ustazah setiap tahun, tanpa sokongan penuh dari pihak atasan, tanpa sebarang kata-kata perangsang atau penghargaan, semuanya aku terima walaupun pahit, dengan harapan ianya diterima dan mendapat balasan dari Allah Taala.
 
Namun, pada tahun ke-4 ini, Alhamdulillah, kami dibantu pula oleh seorang lagi guru baru yang bersemangat untuk memeriahkan lagi majlis terawih di bulan Ramadan tahun ini. Berbeza dengan  tahun-tahun yang lepas di mana terawih diadakan setiap malam, majlis pada tahun ini diadakan hanya 3 kali, iaitu pada malam Jumaat setiap minggu. Ini kerana sebelum ini, ramai murid ponteng terawih dengan alasan terlalu banyak kerja sekolah perlu disiapkan, sakit perut, teramat letih dan pelbagai macam alasan lagi. Ia juga demi memastikan roh terawih tidak tercemar dek murid-murid yang jahil tentang kelebihan Ramadan ini, sekaligus merealisasikan matlamat sebenar terawih  iaitu mendidik dan mendisiplinkan semua murid. 
Pada minggu terakhir Ramadan kali ini pula, majlis khatam Al-Quran dan Iftar digabungkan sekali dengan solat terawih dan solat hajat PMR & SPM. Kalau diikutkan diriku yang memang sukakan kesederhanaan ini, semuanya akan dilakukan seadanya, tetapi kali ini ianya lebih meriah dengan adanya guru baru ini. Kebanyakan guru memuji-muji guru baru ini dan menyatakan bahawa majlis berjalan amat lancar kerana adanya guru ini. Aku akui guru ini amat berdedikasi dalam memastikan majlis ini berjaya diadakan dengan penuh meriah. Malah aku juga amat gembira dapat belajar sifat bersungguh-sungguh dan komitmen tinggi yang terserlah pada guru ini.

Namun, terdetik rasa sedih dan marah apabila ada sebahagian guru yang mengatakan (mafhumnya lebih kurang begini): mujur guru tersebut ada, kalau harapkan 2 orang ustazah yang lembik ni, majlis tidak akan berjalan lancar. Mahu sahaja ku jawab, ustazah-ustazah yang lembik inilah ke hulu ke hilir sepanjang Ramadan selama 4 tahun, membuat persiapan sebelum, semasa dan selepas majlis. Kami adalah yang paling awal datang dan juga yang paling akhir pulang untuk memastikan majlis tidak kelam kabut. Tidak kunafikan, oleh sebab aku kurang senang berurusan dengan pihak atasan dan vip, aku hanya menumpukan perhatian kepada kerja-kerja belakang tabir serta menjaga disiplin dan kebajikan murid sahaja. Maka aku cuba memujuk hati ini, mungkin guru-guru lain tidak perasan peranan kami yang sebenar. 

Aku kagum dengan ustazah yang seorang lagi ini, tugas dia memang banyak, lebih banyak daripada diri ini. Dia kena berurusan dengan pelbagai ragam orang: pihak atasan, jemputan, guru-guru, murid-murid, ibu bapa murid, staf sokongan sehinggakan petugas membersih tandas pun. Dari sebesar-besar tugas ke sekecil-kecil tugas, semua dia kena uruskan. Tapi aku tak pernah dengar sekali pun dia merungut. Dia memang orang paling sabar pernah aku jumpa.

Guru baru dan ustazah ni memang ada kelemahan masing-masing, tetapi bila aku teringatkan kelebihan mereka dalam dedikasi menjalankan tugas, aku jadi malu sendiri. Biarlah orang panggil aku lembik ke apa, yang penting aku sudah jalankan tanggungjawab aku sebaik mungkin. Jangan rosakkan amalan aku semata-mata kata-kata orang. Ya Allah, tanamkanlah sifat penuh tanggungjawab dan sabar dalam diri ini, jadikanlah aku seorang yang ikhlas berkhidmat kerana-Mu, bukan mengharapkan pujian atau takutkan pandangan rendah atau tohmahan makhluk Allah. Amin. 

Monday, October 10, 2011

The First : Part 2


While I was eating late lunch and talking with my housemate, we heard desperate knocks on the door. I instinctively wore my tudung and opened the door. "Ustazah, Hani sakit semula!", a panicked girl burst out. I followed her steps as fast as I could and as soon as I arrived at the dorm, I saw Hani was lying unconscious in the living room. The girl who accompanied her tried to wake her up but to no avail.

I hurriedly sat by her side and ordered her to open her eyes. Again, I slowly slapped her face a few times and called her name until she came to consciousness. She looked so frightened but she seemed to recognize me because she also looked a little relief. I assured her that I would be by her side, so she did not need to be afraid of being alone. Since she could not utter a word, I asked her to follow me reciting the Kalimah Syahadah and then she managed to tell me that the 'person' who harassed her earlier had came back. I told her that I will recite Ayat Kursi, so she needed to be brave and strong to fight the 'person'. She cried but nodded bravely. I then put my hand on her head and began reciting the Ayat Kursi. Within seconds, she cried her lungs out with a very hoarse voice and fainted again.

My housemate arrived and she played her Ayat Kursi mp3 as well as recited Bismillah 5 to a glass of water. I sprinkle some water on her face and tried to wake her up again. I feel like it was a never ending process. Waking up - screaming - fainting... over and over again. There were times when she looked like she was conscious but her eyes were widely open without even batting her eyelids. There was one time when I picked the courage to ask her, "Ini Hani ke?" She then shook her head. "Tolong lepaskan Hani, ya?" Again, she shook her head. It was really disturbing but I really wish I could do something to make her free. Once, I thought that I was talking to the real Hani because when I asked her whether she could recognize 'Ummi' and she responded by looking directly into my eyes. But rather than looking, it felt more like staring right through me and chills began to spread all over my body. I then hurriedly closed her eyes and recited 'Istighfar' as many as I could. Thank to Allah I did not waver and always asking for His guidance and protection.

The cycle of screaming and fainting continued until a veteran school guard who was experienced in dealing with this kind of phenomenon came to cure the girl. He recited a few Al-Quran verses and Du'a and sprinkle some water on her face and her mouth. She then screamed and fainted, and within seconds she began to open her eyes easily. Alhamdulillah! Although exhausted she looked fully conscious. After making sure that she was really okay, my housemate and I went home feeling so tired, mentally and physically. We can only pray that there would be no other similar occurrences in the future.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The First : Part 1


I need to write this because I believe it is important for me to do so. It all started when I stepped out from my housemate's car. We were just back from buying some groceries when a student shouted, "Ummi,  Hani pengsan!" I did not take it so seriously since I know that these girls are always so worn out after training everyday. So, I thought that the reason for her fainting is because she got so exhausted. But I still tag along the way just to make sure that everything is okay.

The moment I walked inside the dorm, Hani was lying unconscious on the floor and surrounded by the other girls who tried to wake her up. I slowly pushed myself in the crowd and told the girls to give some room for her to breathe. All of them obediently follow my order and I was left with Hani, three of her best friends, and my housemate. The first step I made was calling her name a few times rather loudly and shaking her body lightly, hoping for her to wake up, but unfortunately she did not move even an inch. I tried to open her eyes and I can see her pupils moving but her eyelids seemed too heavy. That was when I realized that I was not facing any ordinary fainting. My heart started to beat a little faster than usual....

My house mate seemed to realize the same thing because she started to ask whether any of the girls can read Surah Yasin. That is because both of us were not 'available' to perform Solah! Talk about bad timing, isn't it? As for me, I started to slap her face lightly and forced her to wake up. After a while, with all her strength she began to open her eyes. She looked so terrified and with rolling tears she tried to say something to me but her voice seemed to disappear. Her two best friends, seeing her painful condition, began to cry as well. I do not need more students to receive the same condition, so I told them to stay away from the room. Fortunately my housemate  found a couple of students who were 'available' and manage to read Surah Yasin properly, so without delay they recited the verses. My house mate also played her Ayat Kursi mp3 from her handphone.

Meanwhile I encouraged the girl to be brave and ask aid from Allah. I even need to guide her to utter the Kalimah Syahadah and she managed to do so... slowly... painfully... I congratulated her for her bravery but I really did not know how to make her better. Still, I need to try something! I then, recited Ayat Kursi clearly to her ears. She reacted by screaming so loudly with a hoarse voice and fainted again. A couple of times she woke up, screaming and fainting again. I felt so sorry for her that I hugged her all this while and forgot about my fear. However when a veteran male staff with another female staff came to see her, she slowly became conscious and stop screaming. After she she got calm enough, we asked her what actually happened. She told us that she saw someone with a horrible face at the dorm door, then the person harassed her. She even informed us that the person told her that he/she will come again later. The male staff promised to come again late in the evening with an Ustaz who can cure her. We decided to leave the girl with her friend to take a rest and promised her to come back when the Ustaz come.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Stranded


Right now is about 2.10 pm, I'm in LCCT... waiting for my 8.00 pm flite! How did I get here so early? I didn't get here early... Actually I got here so late that I didn't manage to catch my 1 pm flite!!!! Since I must be in Kuching today no matter what, I had to spend more than RM500 for an extra one-way plane ticket huhu T___T

I'm feeling so sleepy but I know that if I sleep, I might not be able to catch this second flite due to my tendency to be in a deep sleep zzzzzzz. I tried to keep myself awake by munching nuts I got from MAS plane, but then my throat dried up and I didn't bring any water. So I decided to buy a bottle of mineral water from a cafe and guess what! The price is RM3.50!!!! I was so shocked that my eyes got so big and I blurted out loudly to the counter girl, "RM3.50?!!" She then smiled understandingly saying, "Ye kak, baik akak beli kat kedai sebelah ni." I smiled back at her without forgetting to say thank you hehe.

I want to eat my bento huhu but unfortunately I didn't bring any spoon. I can eat using my hands of course but later it would be hard to wash my hands with all these baggages tagging along.

Initially I already have a bad feeling about this journey, but thankful to Allah I still manage to cope with the situation. I'm a little stressed about the time and money wasting part but the peak of my stress is this dizziness + sleepiness + tiredness. May Allah bless as well as make it an easier journey for me today. Amin. 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Pictures


Never thought that i would take this long to write (or rather to type) again. A lot of things happened. A lot of things are happening. A lot of things will happen.

This year, I am officially 30 years old, and I am still not married but I already have more than a hundred kids, ranging from 13 to 18 years old. Most of them call me 'Ustazah', 'Cikgu' or 'Teacher'. But a few bolder ones even start calling me 'Ummi' or 'Mak'. This reminds me of my previous plan to lead my life.

When I was still studying in matriculation center, I have this strong desire to be a successful lawyer and in order to achieve that, I need to stay away from marriage. I believe that it would slow me down, or worse, be the cause to stop me from achieving my dream. However, I love kids. So, I began to picture myself in 10 years time (exactly the age I am now!) to be a successful lawyer, having my own house and my own car, living with my parents, and adopting a couple of babies as my own. But the picture started to shatter down in my final year of studying. It was when my mother suddenly passed away. I realized then that even if I became what I wanted to be, I could never put my mother in the picture.

Today, I am a teacher, living in a government house, over one thousand kilometers away from home and family. I do not have my own car but I have a kind housemate who is willing to drive me anywhere I need to go. I do not officially adopt any kids but I always regard my students as my own. My mother's death gave me another picture. I was too confident of myself that I forgot that there is another ultimate power that could change my plan. I learned my lesson and now its my turn to teach others whatever I have learned. Nevertheless, the plan is somehow there, don't you think? I dreamed of being happy with my own family, friends and kids. And you know what? I have already achieved that! Although the plan seems a little bit off but the essence is still there. All praises to Allah who answered my prayer!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Dreamy

I still feel like it is only a dream. It has been nearly a month since I first set foot on this part of Malaysia; Kuching Sarawak. Most of everything here seems like in the peninsular… the weather, the surroundings, the buildings, the roads, the cars etc.

Although I am beginning to get used to the environment, but I still can’t get used to certain things. In school, I had to teach students with the inability to study such as normal kids do. Some of them are autistic children, slow learners and hyperactive students. While the others are having syndrome down, ADHD, cerebral palsy problems and a few other terms I never heard of. Quite a number of them do not even speak or having no language, that I had to use signs in order to communicate with them.

It is a really challenging job. Plus, I was trained to teach Pendidikan Islam for high school students, so I have no idea how to cope with these students. The fortunate thing is that the syllabus is only based on kindergarten level of education. You know~ A.B.C and 1.2.3! However most of the time in class I need to tell them how to behave. ‘Sit down! Don’t disturb your friend! Do your work!’ are among the regular orders I need to yell out for every 5 minutes.

The next thing is language. People here have their own dialect which I am still having some problems to fully digest the meaning while in a middle of conversation. Come to think of it, I feel rather disappointed in myself that I can understand Japanese language more than Melayu Sarawak dialect.